make a bad ad, I make a bad offer (update)

"MonkeePuzzle" (monkeypuzzle) 09/04/2019 at 15:07 • Filed to: None

13

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the poorly written ad in question:

Having observed some general badness, I attempted to acquire a bargain using my english teacher red pen

hmm, no reply, so I reiterate my interest, only to be met with a harsh response. time to throw actual values down

no reply... so I mention cash. everyone loves cash. and enticing photo of that cash to boot!

ya know, I don’t think he was convinced, but at least now we’re bartering, back and forth, I’m sure an agreement is imminent

ok, I think we’ve got some interest.... but I dont have QUITE that much cash

ok, ok, yes, inters ted in a trade, lets do this thing!

that’s not a no, that’s interest. let’s reel him in with the Corolla’s features

I don’t think he’s listening. Typing in all caps is probably helping. I’M HELPING

but, caps or not, he stopped replying. ugh! I wanna make a deal!!!

ok, so not impressed with the Corolla’s well documented long life and reliability, guess it’s back to cash negotiations

ok, I think he’s playing hardball now, he’s sticking pretty solid at $6900. But is that a fair price? what does the internet have to say about it?

ooookay... not accepting the industry standard KBB, has this guy never sold a car before!?

ok, missed the irony on “breaks”, and we’re not getting anywhere with direct money negotiations. Let’s just get to know each other a little better

getting to know each other went well, we both enjoyed a sensible chuckle, let’s get down to business (to defeaaaaat the huuuuuns)

ya know, I think I’m getting somewhere, we’ve worked our way down from $8000 to $6600. I think this is proof my method works!

UPDATE:
no joy with the xbox, maybe I can get a few coins off if the wheels are cheap

CB > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:10

4

He said it breaks great. The most I’d offer is 73 cents and a blue M&M.

E90M3 > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:13

1

This is amazing. Keep up the good work. 

ttyymmnn > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:17

6

“Thanks Dom”

LOL

M y grandfather was a Latin scholar, and he once returned a letter my brother wrote to him with corrections in red pen. My brother was about 8 years old.

For Sweden > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:17

1

Now I have a desire to search for all-wheel-drive cars on Craigslist

Just look at all these AWD Civics and Accords in the Chicagoland area

OPPOsaurus WRX > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:19

21

offer a few bush els of barley

benn454 > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:23

5

 I got as far as the title and "not Grandma's car" before I burst out laughing. It's just a Civic, dude. 

MonkeePuzzle > benn454 09/04/2019 at 15:25

5

grandmas like fast hondas

The Ghost of Oppo > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:27

2

He said the price is barley negotiable, offer some him some grains 

benn454 > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:30

3

 Best get out of the way. Granny's late to Race Wars.

BJ > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:31

8

You’re being an asshole, but since it makes me laugh, that makes me an asshole, too. I agree with OPPOsaurus, offer him a few bushels of barley and see where you get.

What i f he accepts your offer of $ 5340, A COROLLA , an Xbox, and some barley? Y ou’re gonna do the honourable thing and buy it, right? And you’re gonna live- stream the sale on FB or YT or Twitch for our benefit, right? Because we all want to be there with you to laugh at both of you for going through with so much bullshit. :)

MonkeePuzzle > BJ 09/04/2019 at 15:34

7

yes, there is zero doubt that I am the asshole here.

and yes, if a deal is ever reached, I will for sure live stream it, for there is a high chance I will simply be shot on sight. 

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:36

1

This is secretly a very genius tactic...10/10 will  try

M.T. Blake > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:36

3

Epic. Fucking epic. 

vicali > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:37

0

Special breaks break harder..

That’s some good work..

BJ > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:39

0

Yes, that’s probably true. Be safe out there!

slipperysallylikespenguins > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:43

0

Yep, sounds like lakewood.

Cash Rewards > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:48

1

This is phenomenal

Urambo Tauro > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:48

0

Those prices probably have typos too.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 15:58

2

I dought this guy passed 8th  grade

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:01

9

Read that CL ad and thought “this is what it would look like if Donald Trump tried to sell a car on CL”.

Then I read your text chain and thought “this is what Donald Trump calls negotiating”.

MonkeePuzzle > ZHP Sparky, the 5th 09/04/2019 at 16:02

7

SOLID LOL!
we never reached a deal... oh wait! you’re right :D

DutchieDC2R > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:07

1

This is great.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:20

1

Thanks for the afternoon entertainment.

412GTI > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:25

2

Well that was a good laugh!

CP is even better because I sold my 08 Civic Si three years ago with lower miles for less than his “barley Negoitilble” price. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > OPPOsaurus WRX 09/04/2019 at 16:28

3

Like I don’t even know what you use barley for, brewing bear?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:29

0

The fact that this person replied and continued to reply also speaks to their level of intelligence not being that far abov e a newt sack.

MonkeePuzzle > 412GTI 09/04/2019 at 16:31

2

there’s plenty on the very same craigslist that ar e better condition, lower miles, for less.

so... yeah.

Oppenheimer - not missing my shitboxes anymore > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 16:56

2

Thanks for the laughs. Internet is such a great place.

Now I feel 70yo.

dogisbadob > ZHP Sparky, the 5th 09/04/2019 at 16:58

0

VTEC kicked in bigly

Chariotoflove > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 18:13

0

You are my new hero.

Svend > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 18:27

0

You are both stupid fish, both of you incorrectly spelled tyres.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 09/04/2019 at 18:54

1

no idea, maybe baking bred

Jason Spears > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 19:17

2

I don’t have to be perfect asshole

At that point, I’m out. I only want to deal with perfect assholes.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 19:46

3

This is fucking amazing, I lost it right here...

I’m going to furious all my fastness now

Bylan - Hoarder of LS400's > MonkeePuzzle 09/04/2019 at 23:14

2

This was very entertaining lol and this is your average civic advertisement. Cant spell, knows nothing about cars, thinks its fast and worth money. Ah Honda bois, never change 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 09/05/2019 at 15:15

0

Asians can make a really smooth tea out of their barley

Edit: I just realized that sounds like a bizarre double entendre

Enginerrrrrrrrr > MonkeePuzzle 09/06/2019 at 11:39

0

This was beautiful.  I live north of you and am considering doing the same thing to this guy.  Amazing.